WHAT IS MARRIAGE???

WHAT IS MARRIAGE???


1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOUR listens.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.

7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

14. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.


16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

17. Eighty percent of married men cheat in America, the rest cheat in Europe.

18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but they still  stay together.

19. Marriage is man and a woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.

21. I married Miss right; I just didn't know her first name was Always.

22. It's not true that married men live longer than single men, it only seems longer.

23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT ALL-MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says MY WIFE FOUND OUT.

25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway
lighs on.

26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER? The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.

27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he is finished.

28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED. The next day he received a hundred of letters and they all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.

30. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

What is child marriage?

Child Marriage

Child-marriage is another 'blessing' of the medieaval age and it was born from the same compulsions that ; perpetuated Sati.Child-marriage was not prevalent in ancient India. The most popular form of marriage was Swayamvara where grooms assembled at the bride' s house and the bride selected her spouse. Svayam-vara can be translated as self selection of one' s husband, Svayam = self, Vara = husband. Instances of Swayamvara ceremony are found in our national epics, the Ramayana and Mahabharata. Various types of marraiges were prevalant in ancient India Gandharva Vivaha (love marriage), Asura Viviha (marriage by abduction) etc., But among these Bal-Viviha is conspicuous in its absence. There are many reasons to believe that this custom originated in the medieval ages. As mentioned earlier in the turbulent atmosphere of the medieavel ages, law and order was not yet a universal phenomenon and arbitrary powers were concentrated in the hands of a hierarchy led by a despotic monarch. In India the Sultans of Delhi who held the place of the despotic monarch, came from a different type of culture. They were orthodox in their beliefs with a fanatical commitment to their religion and a ruthless method in its propagation. Intolerant as they were to all forms of worship other than their own, they also exercised contempt for members of other faiths. (See note at the end of this chapter). Women as it is are at the receiving and during any war, arson, plunder, etc. During the reign of the Delhi Sultans these were the order of the day and the worst sufferers were Hindu women. During these dark days were spawned customs like child-marriage and selection of women from the rest of the society, wearing of the Ghungat (veil). This age also perpetuated customs like Sati and looking upon the birth of a female baby as an ill omen, even killing newly born baby girls by drowning them in a tub of milk. Amidst the feeling of insecurity, the presence of young unmarried girls was a potential invitation for disaster. The predatory Sarasenic feudal lords and princelings of Sarasenic origins who stalked all over India in the middle ages were a source of constant threat . Hence parents would seek to get over with the responsibilities of their daughters by getting them married off before they reached the marriage age. The custom of child marriages with the 'bride' and 'groom' still in their cradles was a culmination of this tendency. This way the danger to a growing girl's virginity was somewhat reduced. Alongwith this principal reason, there were a few other reasons arising from the nature of the feudal society which were conducive for the prevalence of this practice. In a feudal society, qualities like rivalry, personal honour, hereditary friendship or enmity are rated very highly. Because of this, military alliances play a very important role in preserving or destroying the balance of power between the various kingdoms and fiefdoms. To ensure that the military alliances entered into were observed by both parties, practices like exchanging Juvenile members of the respective families who were educated and brought up at each other's palaces were followed. They were a sort of captives who were held to ensure that the military alliances between the two kingdoms or clans were honoured. But a more lasting bond that could back up military alliances were-matrimonial alliances between members of the two famlies . But such matrimonial alliances could be worked out smoothly only if the bride and groom were ready to accept each others Young men and women of marriageable age are bound to be choosy. This difficulty could be avoided when the marriage was between two children or babies where there was no question of their having any sense of choice as to who their partners in life should be. The caste hierarchy also perhaps had its role to play in perpetuating such a system. Caste which is based on birth and heredity does not allow marriages between members of different castes . But as youngsters whose emotions and passions could be ruled by other considerations might violate this injunction. Out of the necessity to preserve itself, the hereditary caste system could have helped in nourishing the practice of child-marriage. Among other subsidiary considerations which could have helped to preserve this custom might be the belief that adults (or adolescent) boys and girls would indulge in loose moral practices. This consideration would have - been more relevant in the context of the puritanical and orthodox environment of the bygone ages. The practice could also have been perpetuated, especially among- the economically weaker sections, by the consideration of keeping marriage expenses to a minimum. A child-marriage need not have been as grand an affair as adult marriages.

Arranged Marriage

Arranged Marriage

An Arranged Marriage in India is defined as a the type of wedding alliance brought forward by parties other than the bride or the groom -- typically the parents. The marriages where the partners choose each other are known as "Love Marriages" in India.
Considerations for Arranged Marriage

Since the traditional Hindu society and its caste system didn't allow dating or free mixing of the sexes, the arranged marriage
was the only form of marriage in the society. The parents typically considered educational background and economic background in addition to the caste to choose the brides and grooms.
Arranged Marriages Today

The arranged marriages are quite common even in today's India -- only the criteria has slightly changed. The rigid caste system is somewhat diluted and marriages outside of the sub-caste are considered, so are marriages outside of one's own language or province (still within the same caste). Age, caste and dowry play important roles in arrangement of marriages in India today (year 2005).

More and more arranged marriages today take into account the preferences of brides and grooms, something that did not happen till 1970s and 1980s.
The Institution of Arranged Marriage

A marriage in India is considered a marriage of families rather than the marriage of individuals. Once you understand this concept, one can even appreciate the beauty of arranged marriages. The parents try to solder the bonds with their friends by arranging marriages between their respective children. In olden times the boys and girls married in their teens so it was considered appropriate that the parents choose the spouses instead of leaving the decision to the kids

A type of arranged marriage where the maternal cousins and sometimes maternal nephews married was/is also common in  India. This was known as rightful marriage alliance in some communities, and possibly came into existence to "keep the money inside the family".
The Process of Arranged Marriage

The steps involved in an arranged marriage vary by communities and families. Sometimes they involve extremities such as "promise made while gambling" or "bride whom the father of the groom likes", but here are the most common scenario, and the process can break down at any step -- mostly earlier than later.

Broadcast of Availability -- This is when the guardians of the groom or bride announce that they are in market for an alliance. Securing of a stable job, engagement of an elder sibling, graduation are some of the events triggering this step.

Horoscope Matching: The interested parties trade birth horoscopes as a sign of showing interest. Those who believe in horoscopes consult with astrologers and priests to find out compatibility. The compatibility score is often used to reject an alliance.

Photo Exchange, Interview, and Background Check: Till this step the bride and the groom do not know what the other partner looks like! The pictures (and sometimes videos) are exchanged and if in agreement, one or more face to face interviews (called darshan) are arranged, during which elders are also present to help with familiarization. Background inquiries are conducted to dig past, bad habits (smoking, drinking, anger management problems) through relatives and friends.

Dowry and Contract Negotiations: The logistics of marriage are then discussed. Who pays how much for the wedding expenses, the gold, the dowry, girl's and boy's net worth, the house they'd live in etc.

Engagement: If all the parties are in arrangement, sweets are shared to announce the engagement. Sometimes called as "eating of the sugar" this marks the end of an arranging of an arranged marriage, and the gift exchanges begin.
The Role of Matchmaker

Depending on the complexity of marrying (not so good looking bride, divorcees, past broken engagements) Middlemen could help in the arranged marriage who are commissioned by the arrangers. The matchmakers
are sometimes professional institutions counseling on "resume alteration", "broadening of selection criteria", and other marriage matters. The matrimonial classifieds (like personals in the west, but placed by the parents, for the attention of parents) are very popular. With the advent of the Internet, there are a lot of matrimonial agencies on web (some of whom are advertising on this site).

What is love marriage?

love marriage

Love affair between a Girl and a Boy is sensitive, emotional and in many cases spontaneous. Let it be a love affair in its literary sense or an infatuation or a fascination simply carried away by sexual attraction. It is sponataneous.

In some cases, a love affair may carry some reasons.

Logical conclusions, balanced thinking, considerations of merits and demerits, and along with all these, a mutual attraction. Such love affairs generally carry in their mind the the values and mutual interests along with their attraction.

Though this type is rare, it is gradually gaining momentum among the youngsters who are conscious about their future and well being.

Neverthless, it is impossible that the Boy and the Girl ever were worried about their horoscopes matching. Horoscopes matching becomes a matter of concern only when the matter goes to the consent of the parents.

When the matter of love affair is conveyed to the parents, the very first worry that occupies their mind is horoscopes matching. They will be more worried if the horoscopes are not matching, the married life of their children will not be happy.

But the fundamental fact is that the horoscopes matching verifies if the characters of the Girl and the Boy are such that they will be able to get along together in life and make a cohesive and successful family life.

n the case of an arranged marriage of a girl and a boy new to each other, some yardstick is necessary to with which we can measure the various characteristics of both the Boy and the Girl and to conclude whether they will be able to settle down with each other.
The Horoscopes Matching Process is the yardstick, which our forefathers have prescribed, with which we can measure whether a particular Boy and a particular Girl will settle down with each other for the purpose of a lasting married relationship.

The temperaments, characters and behavioural attitudes of both the Boy and the Girl should be cohesive and they should not be physically inconsistent with each other.   Only then, the married life will be harmonious.

Horoscope matching process mainly aims at resolving these questions.

In a love affair, this aspect is very much satisfied that the Girl and the Boy have similar or the same wave length of thinking and have a good understanding about each other. Only then a love will develope between a Girl and a Boy.

A Nakshatra Porutham, Raasi Porutham, Gana Porutham - all these mean mostly the fundamental of psychological make up of the individuals. They are arrived at on the principles of probabilities. 

In a love affair, all the above are not probable - but are practically evident between the Boy and the Girl.

Of course, there are certain limitations. the characters of the individuals could not have been assessed by the Boy or the Girl in their proper perspective, if the couple were simply carried away by passions and euphoria.

There is a distinct line between infatuation and love. Some or most youngsters fail to understand this aspect and believe that the ecstasy of age and its attraction makes all the sense of a love.

When the physical desire is satisfied, only then each one of them start thinking the various aspects of the married life and how hard it is to settle down with the temperament of an individual who is not consistent with him or her.

This of course does happen in several love affairs.

But there is always the other side of the coin. The positive side of it. The Boy or the Girl are not the same as they were age before. As the generation advances, education advances, knowledge and quality of knowledge advance.

The youngsters are able to think, while they also feel the warmth of love. They have better and greater social interaction.

They acquire knowledge and they are able to interact with people with experience. They are able to reason with and judge people.

Instead of simply disallowing a love on the grounds of Horoscopes mis-matching, the parents would better advise their children to better understand the weaknesses and short-comings of each other and then come out with the same proposal.

When the Boy and the Girl are confident that they can live together with a mutual care for each other, there is no sense in looking into the Horoscopes and breaking our head.

Of course, there are areas which a horoscopes matching takes into consideration and which will not be evident in the mutual relationships of the Boy and the Girl.

The fortunes of Mangalya Bakyam, Prosperity etc are some such things.

But we have to admit that even in arranged marriages which are performed after due Horoscopes Matching, there are some cases where the marriages fail or something untoward happens after the marriage, beyond the knowledge of people making the matching process. In such cases, we throw the blame on fate and accept it.
In love marriages also, there are bound to be some underestimations and misconceptions about the counter part in the love affair as a result of which, the marriage may fail.

Such weaknesses and incidence of risk prevail in both arranged and love marriages.

Another aspect in marriage matching is that certain Nakshatras of the Girl will be harmful either to the father, mother or brothers of the Boy.    I have some strong reservations on these concepts. I do not think that these make any practical sense.

We consider that if the girl is Ayilyam Nakshara, it will affect the mother-in-law.  If the girl is Moolam Nakshatra it will affect the father-in-law, if she is Visakam Nakshatra it will affect the younger brother-in-law and if she is Kettai Nakshatra it will affect the elder brother-in-law.

These are all considered as Dosha Nakshatra only for girls and not for boys.

In so far as the Girl and the Boy are concerned, a love affair is a matter of emotional bondage.

That will seriously hurt the feelings and even make them psychologically upset or un-balanced of both if any obstacle to put across it in the name of horoscopes matching.

If a marriage is likely to fail for one reason or the other in a love affair - it is equally a chance in a marriage performed after due horoscopes matching also.

The damage that a failure in love affair may cause to the concerned Girl and the Boy may even take a stake on the whole of their career, future and livelihood of the individuals also.

It will also result in psychological collapse of the Girl and the Boy.

Most of us assume, when it comes to the matter of marriage, that our children know nothing about life and they are not enough aged or matured to conclude their own marriage.

But the fact remains that our children know better than us and they also have the courage and knowledge to handle any given situation.  Their IQ level far above ours.

They learn several things in life far earlier than the age by which we learnt them.

All that we need is our own courage to believe in the ability of our children to decide.  We also need the courage to face the relatives and the society and their reactions. 

Above all it is our children and their happiness is the matter of paramount importance to us  - rather than the reactions from our relatives.

The major factor that needs to be addressed by the parents in respect of a love affair of the children is - which one should be attached greater importance.  Is it the priorities of our children?  Or our own priorities?

If we are able to fix this issue of conflicting priorities, a major part of the issues confronting a love marriage can be resolved.

Our distrust in our children's ability to decide their own life, drives us to seek the advice of an Astrologer and see if the horoscopes are matching.  If the opinion of the Astrologer is different, we try to stall the children in their desire.

Horoscopes matching is meant for marriage between a Girl and a Boy who are new to each other or if they are already known to each other, it is necessary that the two had no opportunity to personally get to know each other.

In olden days, when people lived in isolated villages or towns and when no  communication facility existed, when the man was the bread winner of the family and the girl was the home maker, when people lived mostly in joint families, when the social oreder did not provide the impetus for the Girl and the Boy to personally interact and get psychologially and emotionally involved in each other, the process of horoscopes matching was necessary to measure the psychological make up of the individuals and see if they can go together for the rest of their life.

In those ages, there was no love affair and love marriage in the society.  Girls were confined within the house and with limited external activities.

In those days, it was necessary to have some scale with which the Girl and the Boy and their nature to get along with each other, can be measured.

Even now, if a Boy and a Girl are living in just opposite Apartments in the same Aprtment House in the same floor, even if they have occasions to meet daily  and say a hallo, horoscopes matching is desirable and even necessary, if they are not emotionally attached to each other.

But, when it comes to a Love Affair, it is a deep emotional involvement and we should have unqualified belief that the two would have assessed each other to a reasonable level.

In such a case, it will be meaningless to compare the horoscopes and then say Yes or No

The thumb Rule is that - Do not look into the Horoscopes in the case of Love Affairs and Love Marriages.

Discuss other merits and demerits of the proposal, examine the implications that the proposed marriage may have on the family and decide things in such a manner that no one else is affected because of the Love Marriage.

Horoscopes matching is different.  It is a guiding factor for invisible facts like the characteristics of both.  When the characteristics of each one is well known to the other, there is no need to measure the same with an invisible scale.

If a Marriage of a loving couple is taken into the course of horoscopes matching, we may have to say - if for one reason or the other - that the horoscopes are not found matching.  

This will cause serious damages to the mental balance of both the Girl and the Boy.

In so far as the Girl and the Boy are concerned, a love affair is a matter of emotional bondage. That will seriously hurt both if any obstacle to put across it in the name of horoscopes matching.

If a marriage is likely to fail for one reason or the other in a love affair - it is equally a chance in a marriage performed after due horoscopes matching also.

The damage that a failure in love affair may cause to the concerned Girl or the Boy may even take a stake on the whole of their career, future and livelihood of the individuals also.

It will also result in psychological collapse of the Girl and the Boy.

Love Marriage and Arranged Marriage – Advantages and Disadvantages

Love Marriage and Arranged Marriage – Advantages and Disadvantages

Advantages of arranged marriage.

Its not always that arranged marriages are successful or love marriage are successful. We see that most of the arranged marriage are successful for some reasons. When its an arrange marriage, the parents do support  the relationship and they try their best to keep the relationship live as it is their responsibility too. Arranged marriages are good, if you believe in astrology and horoscope. I have seen that some really grow good, life changes after getting married and some vise versa. In arranged marriage, the boy and girl will be from the same religion and caste, so they have the life style, food and culture. In arranged marriages, the girl is more protected as the parents care for  a girl who married according to their wish.

Disadvantages of Arranged Marriages

 

All of a sudden you start your life with a person with you have hardly spend any time. You don’t know the person or you may even not like the person if you have go married because your parents and elders decided your marriage. Most of the cases the girl is forced to sacrifice their likes and adjust to the reality. Some may just live their life it goes believing its their fate and their parents are happy, but some break up. Some start their love life after the wedding and really enjoy and are happy.

Advantages, Advantages of Love Marriage

Love marriage is a legal right for two individuals who care and love for each other to live together and go ahead with their life. In love marriage, you know each other well, you are not going to be with any stranger or you may not have much problems if you know about the person well before you decide to spend your life together. A love marriage can become un-successful, if you had a very short time time know each other and just decided to get married. If you are knowing each other well and you are sure that you can get along with each other without any problems then you can decide to get married. In short the advantage of going for a love marriage is that you are going to live your life with a person who you know well and you are sure that you can get along well.
Its not easy to go for a love marriage. You need to first fall in love with someone and that person should like you as well. It takes time to know each other and both of you should feel comfortable with each other. Decide to get married to a person who loves you more than you love that person. In many cases I have seen that one person is badly in love with the other person, but not vise versa. Never force somebody to love you and get married, you should give sufficient time to the other person whom you love to know you more and you should take sufficient time to learn your partner well before you both come to a decision to live together.
In my opinion, nobody can be sure that he or she will fall in love with a person and even if he or she falls in love with somebody, that person will fall in love in return. If you don’t fall in love or not get a right person, then you can think of arranged marriages. Even in arranged marriages you can know the person well before you decide to get married. You should make sure that your proposed partner likes you as well and is not agreeing for the wedding because of any pressure from her / his parents or any other reasons.